There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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