He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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