We're facebook friends in real life
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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