Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
