You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You have to summon your inner elephant
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
