So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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