when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
