dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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