I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
