now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
