I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
