He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
