My friends, they love my intelligence
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
