Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
