I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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