Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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