i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
