I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
