yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
