I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
