Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
