When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
