omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
