How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
