This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
