Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
