what day is it and did you see me today?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
