when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
