drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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