so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
