Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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