Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't think brook has ever known best
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
