Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
