she was so not down for the gang bang
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
