if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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