I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
