nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
