I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
