some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
