I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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