i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
