KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
