she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
