If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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