well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think i have two assholes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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