i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
