accomplished twins. life is a go
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
