why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
