your thong is hanging out like whoa
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
