Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
